Posted by: diapersanddivas | July 8, 2009

The worse he feels..the better a Mom I am…

Sounds harsh right…but it’s like this.  The whole first year of my son’s life…I have kinda felt like a quiet obeserver.  The first 3 to 4 months that I was breastfeeding I felt very needed (or my boobs felt needed)…but since then…He’s the one who rolled over by himself, plays nicely with himself, sat up by himself, and now stands alone and feeds himself….I’m kinda just the chick that wipes his the poop off his bum.

I never really thought that I would feel outcasted until H became a teenager…but i do.  He’s always been very independant, which is great, but I always thought motherhood would be a little more….mothering?  Sometimes I feel a little like a maid/cook/chaffeur more than a mom.  I sometimes feel like he doesn’t need me unless he needs to be changed or wants some food.  Until these past couple days.

H has been congested, has a bad cough which keeps him up at night and during naps (which means I’ve had a nice little run with no sleep), and just plain feels like crap.  You can see it in his sad little face.  But the worse it gets….the more I feel like a MOM….you know?  I comfort, I soothe, I nuture.  It’s like he’s so grateful to just have me hold him and give him some milk and pat his back during a coughing fit.  I feel like I’m not just the washer of clothes and the wiper of bums, but I’m needed for a totally emotional reason….I’m needed for love and comfort, and to just let him feel like everything is going to OK.   And i have to say, selfishly, It’s a great feeling.

I feel so bad that my little man is not feeling good, but it makes me feel great about myself.  I feel like i’m fulfilling the role of “Mom”, and every day that I can make him feel a little better, the more pats on the back I give myself. 

(sigh) Now I have to go wash puke out of his pj’s…….

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Responses

  1. I hope my little H-man gets better soon.

    I’m starting to get what you mean since I’m weaning WEB off of the boob. I’m sure it will fade in and out as they get older and change. They will probably be embarrassed if we kiss them good-bye on their first day of school…

    -Heather

  2. I really appreciate your heartfelt words of mother-dom. People need to know that mommies, although not glamorous, are gushing with pride, not just poop and puke. OUr hope is just that we do the best we can, and they will be the best they can be. It starts with wiping noses and continues with mending hurt feelings, wounded prides, and broken hearts. Divas and diapers, I salute you.


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